Reckless Thoughts

by Jonathan Vassar and The Badlands

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Long Gone 04:10
First thing I get up I forget that you’re gone. I reach over to your side of the bed. I pretend that I can hear you up getting dressed and for awhile I get away with it. Then i remember you’re gone on. Last time we were together you said how lucky we are, that the two of us still make sense. Now i’m left thinking of leaving, staring at the ceiling, waiting for whatever’s next. Maybe tomorrow I won’t mind all the things I thought were mine that you took out my life. Now they’re long. It’s getting harder to remember all the little things, what made you laugh and how you wore your hair. It’s getting harder to remember all the real things, not just what I thought was there.
Under the eaves where the warmth is drawn, I stand in the doorway looking out into the yard. My hand makes a shadow on the side of the house. I listen to the locusts as the sun goes down this time of night. I watch the old paper birch as i lean back against the door. A tear in the screen gets caught on my shirt. The street lamp clicks and stirs the moths with it's light. I notice something as I turn back inside. This time of night feels just like every time we try to say goodbye.
Proud Mary’s on the stereo and you’re just talk talk talk, “Either they’re all out to get you or they’re not.” I keep on rolling, and that’s when I get caught not caring if I come out the other side on top. You go to church every Sunday, every Sunday I just walk around. You’re looking for an answer I’m looking for some higher ground. From the overlook I can see half of this town and i can make up whatever i can’t make out. I fall so fast I never feel like i can fly. I hit the ground running and the field’s open wide. I run until I run to the end of the line. I look over my shoulder then I cross over twice. Just like that dream i had that i had died.
I admit it, I just can’t keep up. I’ve tried, but I’m not fast enough. I get lost in reckless thoughts that you’ve gone. You’ve got high hopes and God only knows something will come of this, I suppose. I get lost in reckless thoughts that you’ve gone. Please darken my door just to make sure that you’re not. You keep it kept so close to the chest I always have to second guess and I get lost in reckless thoughts that you’ve gone. You like your life quick to fix and easy to please, still I can’t figure you out, for the life of me.


released November 10, 2015

Recorded live on April 17th, 2015 by Allen Bergendahl at Scott’s Addition Sound // Richmond, Virginia.

Mastered by Joshua Quarles.

A million thanks to our families. This one’s for Cas, Billie and Gus.

This Time of Night and Darken My Door: Music by Joshua Quarles, Lyrics by Jonathan Vassar. That Dream I Had that I Had Died and Long Gone: by Jonathan Vassar.

The Badlands is Curtis Patton on pedal steel, Nate Mathews on upright bass and harmony singing, and Grant Hunnicutt on mandolin and harmony singing.

A special thanks to Amy Patton for use of this painting, and for all of the beautiful work she's done for us.


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Jonathan Vassar Richmond, Virginia

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